DIY Jokes
Silly Jokes
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Nail
through finger - terrible practical joke. Got it in a cracker
once and played this joke on my dad. He wasn't impressed!!!!! |
| Inflatable
hammer - for safe DIY - the kids will love it! |
"I was in B&Q the other day when this bloke in an orange overall comes
up to me and says "Do I want decking?"
Well, luckily I managed to get
the first punch in!"
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around a DIY Store
when
they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking
for my
wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking
for my
wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does
your
wife look like?
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair,
blue
eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What
does your wife look like?"
The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
Reasons why fighting in a DIY Store is a bad idea!
You'd get plastered!
You'd get a bosch on the nose!
You might get a good flooring, tongue AND groove!
You could have nailed him good and proper though!
Although going at someone like a hammer isn't a good idea!
You know you're a DIY expert when:
1. The Screwfix/Wickes mini catalogue becomes a permanent fixture next
to the toilet
2. You spend hours in work using Word to sketch out the DIY job for that
weekend
3. You have 7 tins of WD-40 in convienent locations around the house
4. You buy things that you don't need but will look good in the toolbox
5. The DIY store staff know your first name
6. You know all of the different shades of white
7. After 6 months of light DIYing, you think installing central heating
is childsplay
8. You've got the tradesman's 'sucking in of air, shaking the head and
tutting' down to a tee
9. You have a tool belt
10. You know that rubbing a graphite pencil on a hinge will stop the
squeak
11. Sarah Beeny is your Pin-Up
12. The DIY book the in-laws got you for christmas remains unopened,
do they think you're a bloody amateur?!
13. You've got the plumber's, electrician's and builder's mobile numbers
in your phone in case of a DIY feck up.
14. You're suspicius of proper tradesmen
15. You have a trailer
16. You buy a router to save money on 'expensive' tongue and grooving
17. Use of the B&Q cafe is strictly prohibited, its for part-timers,
not hardcore DIYers like yourself
18. You think you don't need a spirit level. You do.
19. You have a large collection of wood in the shed, just in case.
20. You know what Denso tape is and what its used for
21. 'Discovery Home and Leisure' and 'H&L +1' are in your Sky favourites
22. Complete renovation of a cow shed doesn't faze you
23. You have a compost bin
24. Criticise professionals work in pubs and on holiday, calling them
'a bunch of cowboys'
25. You have a tape measure in your car
26. On a two-man job, its always the other persons fault
27. You become a HSS Hire shop to all your mates
28. You stop to appreciate your handywork at least once a day
29. Your work is never done
30. You can unscrew a screw with a hammer.
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